Those of us who were lucky enough to grow up hearing stories of trauma from people who’ve done the work of processing their own feelings of injustice, rage, humiliation, guilt, shame, vengeance, and loss have learned to listen from an early age. Band aids don’t take the cut away. They merely blot the pus. But they can convey a tenderness, a platonic reason to touch a wound, a ritual that lightly seals a cut away from new germs. When listening to psychological pain, soul injury, and cruelty, every attempt to help can feel like a mere band aid.
As a friend or family member, I suggest bearing witness by staying in touch with your own breath as long as you can tolerate being present with a loved one and allowing them to share. It is a common pressure people feel to “fix” the other person by telling them what they should do, sharing similar injuries, offering superficial platitudes, or even shaming them. But I urge you to have the courage of silence for longer than feels natural. You’ll be surprised by what happens.
Stay in Touch With Your Breath
As a yoga therapist, I will always be amazed by the power of breath-centric movement. Right here, right now, exhale as you place your palms over your heart center, inhale as you open your arms, exhale while your arms stay open, inhale again in place, and exhale as you place your palms over your heart. Notice what phrases cross your mind as you do this. Continue noticing your thoughts until you settle on affirmations that support your own resilience.
As a clinical supervisor, I find myself offering practices with full disclosure. Focusing on lengthening your exhales will not change the past, but it has the power to clear your mind of thoughts about a catastrophic event, potentially just long enough to shift your autonomic nervous system out of its fight, flight, freeze reaction. Focusing on your breath can signal your body to stop pumping stress hormones. Taking a breather may even reduce inflammation—if only for 15 minutes, that is significant. When I am mindful of my pulse and breath while listening to acute trauma, my state of calm is contagious.
Stay in Touch With Yourself
When I train yoga therapists to listen to traumatic stories, we consider what in the palate of yoga we can offer to bring momentary relief. Just like dental floss doesn’t fill a cavity but helps prevent plaque build-up, yoga offers lifestyle practices as mind-body hygiene.
When hearing an excruciating story, empathic immersion cycles in and out. If I am “lost in their story,” objectivity is lost, and that doesn’t serve the client or me. The mind alternates between locking onto and becoming one with a focus point, which helps prevent compassion fatigue.
As I listen, I stay in touch with my pulse, my breath, the solid structure supporting me, the gravitational pull on my limbs, and what’s happening in my solar plexus. If someone’s story makes me anxious, and I am not in touch with my body, my anxiety can influence the process, making me more prescriptive or directive than I should be. If the story warrants vigilance, however, I welcome that anxiety to inform safety protocols. The clearer I am when I begin listening, the more I am open to messages in my own body that guide the therapeutic alliance.
What I say after I bear witness to someone’s story is, “Thank you for sharing. Please let me know ways in which you’d like my help.”
Julie Carmen is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California, a certified Yoga Therapist, and Director of Mental Health at Loyola Marymount University Yoga Therapy Rx. She is Founder/Director of Behavioral Health Yoga Therapy Supervised Clinical Practicum at Venice Family Clinic and has had a long career as a working actress. Visit Yogatalks.com for more.
Listening to Trauma – Julie Carmen
Listening to Trauma – Julie Carmen
Those of us who were lucky enough to grow up hearing stories of trauma from people who’ve done the work of processing their own feelings of injustice, rage, humiliation, guilt, shame, vengeance, and loss have learned to listen from an early age. Band aids don’t take the cut away. They merely blot the pus. But they can convey a tenderness, a platonic reason to touch a wound, a ritual that lightly seals a cut away from new germs. When listening to psychological pain, soul injury, and cruelty, every attempt to help can feel like a mere band aid.
As a friend or family member, I suggest bearing witness by staying in touch with your own breath as long as you can tolerate being present with a loved one and allowing them to share. It is a common pressure people feel to “fix” the other person by telling them what they should do, sharing similar injuries, offering superficial platitudes, or even shaming them. But I urge you to have the courage of silence for longer than feels natural. You’ll be surprised by what happens.
Stay in Touch With Your Breath
As a yoga therapist, I will always be amazed by the power of breath-centric movement. Right here, right now, exhale as you place your palms over your heart center, inhale as you open your arms, exhale while your arms stay open, inhale again in place, and exhale as you place your palms over your heart. Notice what phrases cross your mind as you do this. Continue noticing your thoughts until you settle on affirmations that support your own resilience.
As a clinical supervisor, I find myself offering practices with full disclosure. Focusing on lengthening your exhales will not change the past, but it has the power to clear your mind of thoughts about a catastrophic event, potentially just long enough to shift your autonomic nervous system out of its fight, flight, freeze reaction. Focusing on your breath can signal your body to stop pumping stress hormones. Taking a breather may even reduce inflammation—if only for 15 minutes, that is significant. When I am mindful of my pulse and breath while listening to acute trauma, my state of calm is contagious.
Stay in Touch With Yourself
When I train yoga therapists to listen to traumatic stories, we consider what in the palate of yoga we can offer to bring momentary relief. Just like dental floss doesn’t fill a cavity but helps prevent plaque build-up, yoga offers lifestyle practices as mind-body hygiene.
When hearing an excruciating story, empathic immersion cycles in and out. If I am “lost in their story,” objectivity is lost, and that doesn’t serve the client or me. The mind alternates between locking onto and becoming one with a focus point, which helps prevent compassion fatigue.
As I listen, I stay in touch with my pulse, my breath, the solid structure supporting me, the gravitational pull on my limbs, and what’s happening in my solar plexus. If someone’s story makes me anxious, and I am not in touch with my body, my anxiety can influence the process, making me more prescriptive or directive than I should be. If the story warrants vigilance, however, I welcome that anxiety to inform safety protocols. The clearer I am when I begin listening, the more I am open to messages in my own body that guide the therapeutic alliance.
What I say after I bear witness to someone’s story is, “Thank you for sharing. Please let me know ways in which you’d like my help.”
Julie Carmen is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California, a certified Yoga Therapist, and Director of Mental Health at Loyola Marymount University Yoga Therapy Rx. She is Founder/Director of Behavioral Health Yoga Therapy Supervised Clinical Practicum at Venice Family Clinic and has had a long career as a working actress. Visit Yogatalks.com for more.
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